Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Chapter 27-The Crazy Pregnant Bitch


“Ally, what the hell are you doing, go to sleep,” Pat murmured before going back to sleep.

“But Patrick, I’m horny,” she whispered giggling.

“Ally, it’s four in the morning and I have practice in four hours, go back to sleep!!”

Patrick had thought he was dreaming Ally was trying to have sex with him while he was sleeping but by the looks of it, he wasn’t.

“I want to have sex with my baby’s daddy,” she whined.

Patrick had a million thoughts going through his mind, he hadn’t gotten a good night’s sleep since Ally’s hormones started becoming whacky. Between late night cravings and crying sessions, he was exhausted from running around for what she wanted to eat and reassuring her everything was going to be okay.

Of course, Patrick loved sex, that’s how they got to her being pregnant but in all honesty he just wasn’t in the mood tonight, “Ally, I’m tired. Please go to sleep!”

Ally sighed in defeat and wrapped her arms around Patrick, “Please Patrick,” she whispered kissing his bare shoulder.

Patrick knew he would have hell to pay for this in the morning but he couldn’t take the whining anymore. Rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, he turned over and claimed Ally’s lips with his own.

Smiling to herself, Ally ran her fingers through his growing hair as he placed his hand under her shirt.

“I love you,” she whispered.

“I love you too, more than you’ll ever know,” he said removing his t-shirt from her body.

Patrick took a minute to notice that the weight she was gaining from her pregnancy was filling all the right places and her breasts were bigger than they were before. Chuckling to himself, he rubbed her stomach and gave the small bump a kiss before he started sucking on her breasts.

“Patrick,” she gasped clutching his head tightly in her hands.

He smirked as he stood up from the bed and quickly removed his boxers, “I am going to pay for this in the morning, but right now, I don’t even care.”

Ally laughed as Patrick entered her and she let out a gasp, “You know Patrick, for not wanting this to happen, you sure are enjoying it.”

“Anything to please you baby.”

“Patrick,” Ally moaned as he pulled out and thrusted back into her.

“Patience, baby,” he whispered against her lips as he began moving in and out slower than she liked.

“Fuck this,” she said flipping him over and grabbing the scarf off of the coat rack by the bed.

“What the fuck are you doing,” Patrick asked confused.

“You want to play games, oh we’re playing games,” Ally said seductively as she tied his wrist to their headboard.

“Kinky,” he smirked as she started riding him, “FUCK!”

“You like that,” she asked.

“This is how we got here in the first place,” he moaned.

Ally climaxed with Patrick following shortly after and collapsed on top of him, “Now you can go to sleep,” she said kissing his lips before rolling over on her side and Patrick wrapped his arms around her and they both fell asleep.

Patrick smacked the off button on his alarm clock and dragged himself out of bed. He caught himself falling asleep in the shower. Quickly showering and getting dressed, he gave Ally a kiss and whispered he loved her before he grabbed his keys and drove to Johnny’s Ice House.

“Good morning,” Jon greeted as Patrick walked through the locker room door, “What the hell happened to you?”

“Dude, Ally is what happened to me. I love her and the baby to death and back but I can’t take her hormones or her cravings anymore.”

“That bad, huh,” Sharpie asked.

“You have no idea, she woke me up at four this morning to have sex with me. I got two hours of sleep last night between her begging for sex and me going to iHop to fucking get her pancakes.”

“She begged you for sex,” Brent asked, “I thought you begged her.”

“I wasn’t in the mood last night and I was jetlagged from our plane getting in so late and she had me out last night at three in the morning fucking getting her McDonald’s.”

“You should have thought about that before you did the baby making dance with her,” Duncan said causing the whole locker room to laugh.

“Fuck you Duncs,” Patrick said with a smile.

“Alright boys, get dressed, practice starts in ten minutes,” Coach Q said coming in the door.

Patrick quickly change into his gear and hit the ice behind Jon, as they skated around, Patrick let his curiosity get the best of him and asked Jon if he had heard from Erica.

“Have you heard from Erica,” Patrick asked.

Jon winced at the subject and shook his head, “I haven’t talked to her since I told her happy birthday at her party.”

“I told her that she ruined the best thing that ever happened to her and that it was going to come back and bite her in the ass when you find another girl.”

“I don’t want another girl, I want her, she’s all I’ll ever want. I spent nearly three fucking years with her, I can’t just move on.”

“She’s my sister and I may sound like a bad brother right now but you’ll find someone.”

“That’s like you breaking up with Ally and trying to find someone else, it’s fucking stupid and not even possible.”

Patrick shot a puck at Corey and skated the length of the rink, “Oh, fuck my life,” he whispered to Jon as he looked up in the stands and saw Ally sitting in the last row eating a hot dog with Erica at her side.

“What,” Jon asked following his gaze and he felt his chest tighten at the site of Erica sitting there with a hoodie over her head so he didn’t recognize her.

“Damn, she put on weight,” Soupy said standing next to Patrick.

“She’s pregnant, asshole.”

“I know but she got big fast.”

“She’s almost five months now, we’ll find out in a couple of weeks what we’re having.”

“I’ll bet my condo, my car, my lake, and my cup ring that it’s a boy,” Jon said to both Pat and Soupy.

“Nah, the way her belly looks, it’s definitely a girl.”

“I don’t care what we have, I just want the kid to be healthy,” Patrick said.

Coach Q blew the whistle and the boys skated over towards the drawing board. Patrick was leaning on his stick and caught himself not listening to a thing Quenneville was saying because he was too busy falling asleep while standing up.

He kept telling himself that everything he was doing for Ally would be worth it when they had their baby in their arms. He had talked to his dad about it and Pat Sr. told him to man-up and bitch when he goes through it four times and stop bitching about it now.

After practice was over, Ally and Erica waited in the hallway outside the locker room. Soupy came out first and gave them both a hug, “Wow, Ally, you look like you’re ready to pop already,” he joked but she scowled at him.

“Oh Soupy, fuck you, you fucking firecrotch,” she snapped and Soupy laughed.

“I’m going home to eat, I’m starving, see you later,” he replied giving her and Erica another hug before he left.

Patrick came out a short time later and gave Ally a kiss. They headed home leaving Erica
by herself so that she could talk to Jon.

Jon came out of the locker room and noticed Erica standing there, he took one look at her and walked away without saying a word. Sighing in defeat, Erica followed him to the parking garage.

“Jonny,” she said.

“Please, don’t call me that,” he whispered fearing she would hear the sadness in his voice.

“Jonathan, please, can we talk?”

“What’s there to talk about, you cheated. You fucking tore my heart out of my chest and stomped on it. I fucking loved you, hell I still love you but you know what, you made your choice. I know you were never with me for my money or my fame but Erica, I was fucking going to ask you to marry me. I fucking asked your dad for his blessing and I asked Patrick too. You know what, I don’t have time for this,” Jon said getting in his car and slamming the door before he sped off.

Sharpie came out of the door and saw Erica crying as she looked after Jon’s car, “Come on sweetie, let’s get you home,” he said unlocking his car and ushering her inside, “Want to talk about it?”

“What would you do if you did something you regret and now the best thing that has ever happened to you is walking out of your life?”

“I’d say, ‘you fucked up kiddo,’” he smiled as he drove towards where she was staying with Brent and Alyssa.

Ally was lying on the couch watching Lifetime when the doorbell went off, “Patrick, can you get that?”

Ally heard Adam’s voice and she pulled the blanket over her head, “Ally my dear,” he said coming into the living room, “I hear you’re being a pain in Kaner’s ass!”

“Don’t come near me, I’m fat and ugly,” Ally cried.

“Oh please, you are not, you’re pregnant,” Adam said, “You sound like Leah right now.”

“I keep trying to tell her she’s beautiful but she won’t listen,” Patrick said standing in the doorway.

“I’m fat,” Ally cried again and Patrick rolled his eyes.

“Come on babe, let me see your pretty face,” Adam said trying to remove the blanket but Ally held it tight to her body.

“No, leave me alone,” she said.

“Alright, I’m out of here,” Adam said winking at Pat who smirked, “I’ll see you at the game, maybe we’ll get some dinner afterwards. Bye Ally.”

“Bye Adam,” she mumbled and Adam stood up and ducked behind the couch. Pat walked over to the door and opened it before he shut it making her believe Adam really was gone.

“Is he gone,” she said removing the blanket.

“Yeah,” Pat replied sitting on the couch putting her feet on his lap.

“HEY DOLLFACE,” Adam shouted jumping out from behind the couch.

“YOU LYING BASTARDS,” Ally shouted hitting Adam in the face and kicking Pat in the balls.

“FUCKING PREGNANT NAZI,” Adam shouted holding his face, “Jesus Christ, she’s fucking worse than Leah!”

“I can’t feel my fucking nuts,” Patrick said as Ally stood up.

“Don’t fuck with pregnant women, douchebags,” she said walking into the kitchen.

“Oh dude, I feel so sorry for you,” Adam said to Patrick who laughed.

Later on that night after the Stars defeated the Hawks 4-2 , everyone was gathered for dinner. Patrick’s parents were in town from Buffalo with Jackie and Jessica. Patrick had asked his mom and dad for advice on how to deal with Ally and they told him to just do what she says because it would all be over before they both knew it.

“Erica, how come Jon didn’t come to dinner,” Donna asked.

“Yeah Erica, why didn’t Jon come to dinner,” Patrick asked mockingly.

“He didn’t feel well, the flu has been going around the team,” Erica lied.

“Really, because Jon seemed fine at practice and so did all of the other guys.” Patrick said feeling Ally kick his shin.

“Pat, that’s enough,” Ally whispered, “Don’t do this now.”

“I still can’t believe you didn’t know Ally was pregnant,” Pat Sr. said, “Did you not notice any change to her moods or her sleep patterns?”

“I noticed she had put on weight but I didn’t want to say anything.”

“Oh great, now I’m the fucking Goodyear blimp to you,” Ally said standing up from the table and walking in the direction of the bathroom.

“Open mouth, insert foot,” Jackie joked and Pat whispered for her to shut up.

“Way to go, jackass,” Jessica said and everyone laughed.

“Why the hell would you say that to her,” Donna asked, “Jackie, go get her and bring her out here so your retard of a brother can apologize.”

“Gee, thanks mom,” Pat scoffed.

“Honey, you know I love you but your mouth gets you into so much trouble.”

“Tell her I think she’s beautiful and that I love her.”

“Sure thing Pattycake,” Jackie said excusing herself from the table.

She walked into the bathroom of the fancy restaurant and saw Ally sitting on the couch that was in the center of the floor.

“Who the fuck puts a couch in a bathroom,” Ally said to Jackie when she saw her come in the door through the mirror.

“Stuck up rich people, I guess,” Jackie said sitting down on the couch next to her, “Are you okay?”

“Your brother thinks I’m fat, Soupy thinks I’m fat, and hell the whole city of Chicago should put me in the sky for aerial views of the Bears games.”

“You are not fat, Pat loves you and thinks you’re beautiful,” Jackie said laying her head on her future sister-in-law’s shoulder.

“What did he buy you to say that to me,” Ally cried, “A new purse or a car?”

“He didn’t buy me anything,” Jackie said truthfully, “My mom told me to come in here since my retard of a brother doesn’t know how to keep his mouth shut.”

Ally laughed and hugged Jackie, “I just keep telling myself that it’ll all be worth it when I hold the baby in my arms.”

“It will be,” Jackie said, “I can’t wait to meet the baby.”

“I hope it’s a boy,” Ally said, “I hope it’s a boy and he looks like Patrick.”

“God help that child,” Jackie joked causing Ally to laugh, “What if it’s a girl?”

“I hope she looks like you or your sisters, you guys are gorgeous.”

“Thanks but I hope she looks like you,” Jackie said.

“Thanks,” Ally replied.

“So, Soupy called you fat,” Jackie asked.

“Mhm and I called him a firecrotch.”

Jackie started laughing really hard and couldn’t stop herself, “Firecrotch,” she asked, “Oh my God, good one.”

“He has some nerve.”

“Oh, I know right, does he own a mirror,” Jackie asked.

“Obviously not,” Ally laughed.

“Come on, let’s go before Pat eats our food,” Jackie said standing up and helping Ally from the couch.

“I’m glad we had this talk,” Ally replied honestly.

“Me too,” Jackie smiled as they headed back to their table.

“Adam just called,” Donna said, “Leah’s in labor.”

“Oh my God, we have to fly to Dallas,” Ally said, “Pat call the airport, Erica let’s go home and pack. Jackie, Jessica, Donna come with us, we’re going to see her.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea,” Pat asked, “Are you allowed to fly?”

“Yes, I’m allowed to fly. Get on the phone, Patrick, you’re wasting precious time.”

Donna gave Pat Sr. a kiss and told him she’d be back to Chicago within the week and she left the restaurant with Ally and the girls.

“Dad, how did you manage to survive four pregnancies,” he asked.

“Trust me son, it’s worth it when you hold the baby in your arms and you quickly forget about the hormones and the crazy pregnant bitch you love and the baby become your world.”

Patrick laughed at his father’s choice of words as he booked his family’s flights to Dallas. Five months down, four to go, he kept repeating in his head. He just hoped he could last that long without going insane.


  1. I probably said it a billion times already but I seriously can't express how huge my love for you and your story is. It's per-fect. You have a way to write that it could be you writing the lives of the Kaner family.. it's just sososo realistic. I don't know if that made sense but I just want to tell you how amazing you are. CAN'T wait for more!

  2. my god shes demending and shes only 5 mths pregnant. she'll get better later on. I cant believe leah went into labor! i wanna know what she named the baby!

  3. Okay! Love this can't wait for more :D

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  5. your update is awesome! i swear bc everything you write is freaking amazinnnnnng wow you really have a talent for that <3 cant wait for more

  6. LOVE IT. update soon please? Wanna know what happens with Jon and Erica

  7. When can we expect the next chapter?

  8. Are you going to add a new chapter soon?